This is the bestest. 

The (amazingly hilarious) Lyrics

I never knew what love was like
Until I saw your face
And suddenly I felt a love
That time cannot erase

Your eyes so sweet and piercing
Your manner kind yet strong
The kind of girl I could love forever
We’d spend the rest of our lives together
And in my life I don’t think I’ve ever
Been so fucking wrong

You’re a bitch with no heart
You’re a liar. You are Satan
And I hate the way you snore at night
All your quirks piss me off
And I don’t I’m misstating
Your compulsive need to always be right
You’re bossy and judgmental
Kind of tactless, boring too
And I really can’t believe I ever fell in love with you

I know that all seems kind of harsh
Things weren’t always bad
In fact I think some times we shared
Were the best that I’ve ever had
Like our road trip that one summer
Or those steamy nights in Spain
You always melted when I would praise you
And my stupid jokes they would never faze you
But that don’t me shit
Next to all the ways you
Drove me so insane

You’re a cock freakin’ tease
Girl you never stop your talkin’
And at times you got a double chin
You may say it’s for fun
But your racist rants are shockin’
And your lips don’t need more collagen

All you care about how much someone makes and what they do
Not a man in his right mind would ever fall in love with you

You always criticize the clothes that I would wear
And found a way of pointing out my thinning hair (really nice)
You turned me vegan, which I totally despise
And I’m pretty sure you laughed that time I said “Let’s compromise”

If you were shot or beaten, run over by a truck
I guess that I’d be sad, but then again
It wouldn’t suck
It wouldn’t suck

So goodbye, hit the road
As a girlfriend you are fired
Find some other chump that you can fleece
Years from now when you’re old and you’ve finally expired
Girl I hope that you don’t rest in peace 

Never met someone so selfish
Half the time my balls were blue
After all that I’ve endured now
You can safely rest assured now
That your exes have been cured now
Yes I’m so done being in love with you

Woah we’re through
Yea Yea Woah
We’re so done, Allison
Honeybun, it’s like over
It was on. Now it’s gone
And I’ve regained my composure
So god bless, you’re a mess
And that’s what you call closure
So done being in love with you